Chapter 34

Chen Xiaoyu lifted her head to say something and saw Zhao Qinhua, and every hurt of her last life came up in front of her, over and over.

The look stopped Zhao Qinhua where she stood, and then the anger in her would not be held down. She was the girl's own mother. Whatever she did was her right. She had borne her, fed her, clothed her. It was only going out for firewood.

"What's that look for? I'm your mother. What are you staring at?" She shouted it.

Old Mrs. Chen's head came round and the stare she gave her was hard. "Get out. Have you been eating dung? You can't even speak straight."

Zhao Qinhua frowned. She was still wary of her mother-in-law.

Chen Youliang thought his mother was going too far. It was nothing much to begin with, and now she was shaming them in front of the children, as their parents. After this the children would only listen to them less.

"Ma, the children are all right now, so we'll take them back. We haven't even had our supper." He didn't see this as a great matter.

Old Mrs. Chen snorted. This was her honest eldest boy.

"If you're hungry, go home and eat. What are you yapping at me for? Nobody's stopping you going home to eat."

That stuck in Chen Youliang's throat, and he was at a loss. "Ma, listen to yourself. They're my children. I'm hardly going to do them harm."

Chen Xiaoyu had decades of anger packed away in her, and she had no way of facing parents like these calmly. Even the joy of living a second life was thinned out by it.

"No, you'd never do us harm. You'd only stand by and watch." Chen Xiaoyu didn't sound as she usually did. She sounded like someone who had lived for decades.

Nobody in the room thought anything of it. They put it down to the fright she had had.

Old Mrs. Chen held her tight. "Don't you worry. Granny's here. Nobody's going to do anything to the two of you."

In that moment Chen Youliang had a grudge against his own mother. Wasn't this teaching his children to set themselves against him?

"Ma, let them stay here for now, then. We'll go back." Chen Youliang said it and walked out of the room without waiting for Zhao Qinhua.

Zhao Qinhua saw her husband go and hurried after him. They were two girls. Where else would they go but home?

When the two of them had gone, old Mrs. Chen let out a breath.

Chen Dayu's stomach started rumbling.

Li Yue'e felt how awkward the room was and stepped in to smooth it over. "Dayu's hungry. There are dumplings left from noon. Your aunt will boil you some."

Chen Dayu was suddenly shy.

Li Yue'e went off to the kitchen, and Chen Yougang of course fell in behind his wife. "I'll do the fire, then."

Chen Xiaoyu had got used to it by now. She looked at the third uncle and aunt standing beside her. It had been a long time since she had seen them either.

Her third uncle and aunt were the Chens who had done best, in that other life. Their business had gone from strength to strength. Only her third uncle had lost a hand.

She looked over at that thought. His hand was still there. That was good. So some things were not as they had been. More and more came back to her, things from this life. Her third uncle's family had taken in a little girl, which hadn't happened before. He had only ever had the three children. A great many things looked different now.

Yao Shangqing saw Chen Xiaoyu staring into space and thought something was wrong with her. "Are you all right? Is anything still hurting?"

Chen Xiaoyu came back to herself and shook her head. "No. Thank you, Auntie."

Old Mrs. Chen stroked her head. "You two get back to your rooms as well, and see whether Yuanyuan and the others have kicked their quilts off. We don't want them catching cold."

In all the rush, Yao Shangqing had forgotten the children in the room.

"All right, Ma, we'll go back then. Call us if anything's wanted."

Chen Yougong went back with her.

Chen Xiaoyu had her head down. She had heard Yuanyuan's name just now, and the memories of her had come clear too. By rights she had lived decades. Thinking of the way she used to feel about her, it struck her as childish and a bit absurd. She had been too young. When a thing is out of reach you make up impossible ideas about it.

Li Yue'e boiled the dumplings and brought them into the main room, with a separate bowl of the broth. Drinking something hot would warm the child.

Chen Dayu took her first bite and thought it wonderful, and ate so fast she nearly scalded herself.

Chen Yougang and his wife didn't stay long, and went back to their room.

Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu both ate until they were full, and that night they slept with old Mrs. Chen.

---

Old Mrs. Chen woke early the next morning. For one thing she was old and slept little, and for another she had things on her mind, which made sleeping harder still.

Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu slept soundly. They had been through half the night, and the fever medicine afterwards made them drowsy.

Old Mrs. Chen dressed herself and got up.

The snow had stopped. Chen Yougong was sweeping the yard and Yao Shangqing was busy in the kitchen.

Li Yue'e and Chen Yougang were cleaning out the hen pen. The snow had settled on the cover over it.

There wasn't a sound from Chen Youliang's place next door. They probably weren't up yet.

Li Guilan leaned over the wall and waved to her old friend.

Old Mrs. Chen went over with her hands behind her back. "What is it?"

Li Guilan looked at the state of the yard. "It was too much of a muddle at your place yesterday, I never got to ask. How did it end up?"

Old Mrs. Chen sighed. "How could it end up? They ate and then they went to sleep." A muddled account, and no way of making it come out straight.

Li Guilan thought it a hard one too. Chen Youliang looked quiet enough most of the time, so how did he keep doing this sort of thing? It hadn't shown before. Now that the family was visibly doing better, he was nothing but mean.

"I'll say something, and don't take it badly. Dayu and Xiaoyu are their children when all's said. Shielding them does no good. They have to go home sooner or later. And even if you wanted to keep them, what about your second and third boys?" She saw old Mrs. Chen starting to glare and carried on.

"Don't get angry. I'm not saying your second and third lads aren't dutiful. What I'm saying is you can't lean on them being dutiful and able to earn money and work points, and have them keep the children too. That's taking advantage of honest people. Dayu and Xiaoyu's school fees come out of your third son's pocket. We have to think about these things. Send the children home where they belong, and look after them quietly yourself."

Li Guilan truly wanted things to go well for her old friend. In all Baijia Village nobody wanted it more.

Old Mrs. Chen listened and knew it was meant kindly, and that there was sense in it.

The two of them muttered a few more words over the wall and broke it up. There was snow to sweep and breakfast to make. Open your eyes and it's all work.

In his room Chen Shaoyuan was dressing his brother and sister. Chen Shao'er didn't need him, but he played favourites, and got Yuanyuan dressed first and sent her out to play.

Chen Shaozhi was usually good, and sat on the bed in nothing but his jacket, staring, his head still thick with sleep.

As soon as she was dressed Yuanyuan shot outside.

"Rabbit. Rabbit." She went straight to look for her rabbits. Last night she had dreamed of a big rabbit, a very beautiful one, that could talk. It said it was the handsomest rabbit there was. Yuanyuan thought her own were better.

Old Mrs. Chen saw her run out and went to have a look at her. It had been too much of a muddle yesterday and she hadn't seen her at all. A little while without her and she missed her. She heard the child muttering rabbit, rabbit.

"Don't go into the kitchen. I've taken your rabbits into my room and put something over the hutch. I was afraid they'd freeze in there."

Yuanyuan heard that and turned off towards the main room instead.

Old Mrs. Chen watched the tangle of hair on the back of her head and laughed. The little thing was full of life the moment she was up.

"Leave her, Ma. Let her run about." Yao Shangqing ladled out the hot water. "Come and wash your faces and hands, all of you, before it goes cold."

They used to wash in cold water in the morning, but it was too cold now to keep that up. She boiled a pot first thing, only warm, not hot. At least their faces and hands got something warm. There was only one flask in the house for boiled water.

Chen Yougong had swept the yard into a sweat, and came over to wash when he heard his wife call.

So did Li Yue'e and the others.

Yuanyuan ran into the main room, pulled the cover off and leaned over the hutch to look at her rabbits. Hers really were the best. If she saw that rabbit in a dream again she would tell it so.

The noise outside woke Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu. They were handy enough and got themselves dressed.

They came out to find Yuanyuan with her bottom in the air, draped over the hutch.

"Yuanyuan, what are you doing so early? What's so good about rabbits?" Chen Dayu went and took her hand, and felt whether it was cold while she was at it.

Yuanyuan saw Chen Dayu actually in her house and laughed out loud. "Da, Dayu. You, you. Rabbits nice."

Chen Dayu snorted with laughter. "Yes, they're nice, I know they're nice. But you can't look at them all day."

Chen Xiaoyu stood in the doorway the whole time watching Yuanyuan. Last night she had thought her old feelings absurd. Now, looking at her, it really was easy to envy her. How could anyone be so lucky? She was nothing like her. She made herself hold it down. She had lived decades, and measuring herself against a small child was wrong. She would make a good life of this one, and she owed her third uncle a debt to repay.

Yuanyuan tilted her head and looked at Chen Xiaoyu, puzzled. Something about her felt different.

"Dayu, Xiaoyu, you're up. Come and wash before the water goes cold." Old Mrs. Chen had heard them talking.

Dayu said yes and led Yuanyuan out.

As the two of them passed Chen Xiaoyu, Yuanyuan's small hand caught hold of her too. "Wash face. Wash hands." The plump little hand was soft, and her eyes were clear.

Chen Xiaoyu looked at her, and felt that hand, and the small sour thing inside her began to go.

Yao Shangqing put a little oil in the pan and fried the bowl of dumplings left from noon. What she had made the sisters last night were the frozen ones, boiled fresh.

She made cornmeal gruel as well, and warmed the mixed-grain buns.

Breakfast cleared the lot.

---

The family finished eating and nobody moved off the benches in the main room.

Chen Dayu looked round at them all, and at her sister. They had settled it between them.

"Granny, we'll go home in a bit."

Old Mrs. Chen nodded. They had to go home sometime.

Chen Xiaoyu felt sure of herself. She would not be as she was before. She could look after herself now, and after her elder sister too.

Chen Xiaoyu looked at Chen Yougong and his wife.

"Uncle, Auntie, my sister and I have never said anything about this before. I want to say it now. The money for our schooling, we'll keep an account of it, and we'll pay it all back."

Chen Yougong smiled at the two of them. "Enough of that. You're too young to be thinking so much. Family doesn't talk like that. You're the next lot of Chens. If you study and make something of yourselves, then the Chens have made something of themselves."

Hearing him, Chen Xiaoyu saw how narrow her own thinking had been.

It gladdened old Mrs. Chen too. If the whole Chen family could hold together like that and count the cost less, where would all the trouble come from?

Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu went home after breakfast.

Chen Youliang and Zhao Qinhua were only just eating.

Zhao Qinhua had steamed an egg for Chen Chengzhuang and was feeding it to him.

"So you know the way home? Had enough to eat?"

Chen Dayu started to say something, but Chen Xiaoyu pulled her round and into the inner room the two sisters shared, and shut the door.

Zhao Qinhua's eyes went wide. The little wretches, really thinking they had someone behind them now.

Chen Youliang lifted an eyelid and glanced over. "That'll do. Eat your food. All day long with you, it's one thing after another. Doesn't it tire you out?"

Zhao Qinhua pursed her lips and let it go.

---

The year was ending in Baijia Village and there was almost no work left. On the twenty-third of the twelfth month the village pigs were slaughtered and what had to be handed over was handed over, and at the end of it everyone queued for their pork.

The Chens' pig went this year too. If they wanted another they would start again in the spring.

This year's pig had done well and never been ill, and came in tens of jin heavier than theirs in other years, and heavier than anyone else's.

"Auntie Chen, you've got to raise one again in the spring. They do that well with you, we all get a bit more."

"That's right, that's right, it should be Auntie Chen's family."

Nobody had any objection to that. A pig raised well was to everyone's good.

Yue Chuan was smiling until his eyes closed. Pork to share out was a good day.

The Zhaos came for their pork too.

Zhao Wanwan had come out today to see Chen Xiaoyu. She had wanted to see her since the solstice, but Wang Fen watched her too closely and she couldn't get away.

She had decided to come out and try being friends with Chen Xiaoyu. At the least she had to get to know her first. She knew already that the girl whose body she was in had been close to Chen Dayu, and from the book it did look like a real friendship. The two of them ended differently, though. Chen Dayu had a sister who was the heroine. Dayu herself was plain and steady, and she did all right. The girl before her came to a bad end. She wasn't going to live that life again. Getting close to the heroine was the only way to lever her things away from her.

Chen Dayu had Yuanyuan by the hand, with Chen Xiaoyu beside her. Chen Xiaoyu hadn't wanted to come out, she saw no point in it, but she couldn't win against Chen Dayu and came.

Zhao Wanwan looked round and found them at last, and worked her way slowly over.

Chen Xiaoyu wasn't paying attention to the pork anyway, and saw Zhao Wanwan first. She remembered that this was her sister's friend.

"Sister, I think Wanwan's come to find you."

Chen Dayu heard it and was rather excited. The truth was that since she started school she hadn't played with Zhao Wanwan at all.

"Dayu, so you're out here too." Zhao Wanwan came up and greeted her without the least awkwardness.

Chen Dayu was delighted. "Yes, and you've come out as well. It's been so long since we played together."

The smile dropped off Zhao Wanwan's face at once. "I'm not like you. My granny won't let us go to school."

Hearing her friend say it, Chen Dayu felt bad too. She wanted her friend at school with her. You learn so much at school.

"Why don't you go and find the brigade leader, or Grandpa Qin, and get them to come to the house and talk to your granny? It's the new society now. They can't do that." Chen Xiaoyu put her word in. She wanted to help Zhao Wanwan as well, and having lived a life already she understood this much. Send somebody to the house to speak to Zhao Wanwan's grandmother and she would certainly get to school. And school was a fine thing. It was only a few years until the college exams came back.

Zhao Wanwan was now entirely certain. Chen Xiaoyu had been reborn after all. The moment she opened her mouth she was different.

"It's no good. If my granny found out she'd beat me." Zhao Wanwan didn't want to go to school. She had had enough of school in her last life. School was dull, and with what she could do she could sit the first exams when they came back without it, and get into a good university. The things she had learned before would make short work of these exams. As for the sisters of the girl before her, she hadn't given them a thought. What business was it of hers?

Chen Xiaoyu heard that and put herself in her place. She had been the same in her last life. Even with her third uncle helping her early on, she hadn't done well at school and hadn't come out of it with anything, and in the end she had only herself to blame.

"Shall we report it for you? Write a letter and put it in at the commune with no name on it, and report your granny." Chen Xiaoyu offered it.

Zhao Wanwan waved it off. She would rather not. She knew that whatever the heroine set her hand to would come off, but just now she did not want to go to school.

Zhao Wanwan had meant to get a step closer to Chen Xiaoyu, and then she heard Wang Fen calling her and had to run. There was nothing for it. She was too small yet. Only when she had grown would she have the means to get clear of the Zhaos.

Chen Dayu watched her go and sighed.

Chen Xiaoyu really did want to help her. "Sister, what if we helped her without telling her?"

Chen Dayu's eyes went wide. "How do you help someone without telling them?"

"We write the letter and we just don't tell her. And if she isn't at school, then Zhao Qingqing and Zhao Lanlan can't go either. We report her granny for doing things the old-society way and keeping girls out of school. Women hold up half the sky now." Chen Xiaoyu laid it all out in a low voice.

Yuanyuan stood between the two of them and looked up at them, not following a word.

Chen Dayu frowned over it for a long time. "Would that work?"

Chen Xiaoyu nodded, sure of it. Of course it would.

When the pork was all shared out, Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu walked Yuanyuan home and then ran home themselves.

Yuanyuan stood at the gate shaking her small head. She wanted to be grown up.

Old Mrs. Chen was carrying their pork home and saw her at the gate shaking her head.

"What's all this?"

Yuanyuan didn't say.

---

Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu had their letter written very quickly, but there was no chance to get it to the commune.

Before they knew it, it was New Year. The spring festival of 1971.

Heavy snow fell on the first day of the year. The Chens ate together, though Chen Youliang and Zhao Qinhua didn't come over.

On the second day old Mrs. Chen got together the gift for Li Yue'e to take to her mother's house. Yao Shangqing had no mother's house to visit, and she wasn't going to prepare anything for Zhao Qinhua. They had split the household anyway.

The Chens had a good year that year, and old Mrs. Chen put two liang of pork in the basket for her to take home, and some other things bought at the co-op shop.

Li Yue'e looked at it all and was very pleased with herself. No present going home would match hers. It did her credit.

New Year passes quickly. Chen Dayu and Chen Xiaoyu picked a day with nothing on and went to the commune together. It took them over an hour on the road. Then they put the letter quietly into the reporting box at the commune gate.