Chapter 15

So a human body's joints could twist like that.

The elbows folded backward, the palms turned a half-circle flat against the ceiling, the black bag slung crosswise hanging down like a long tail — like a gecko — except the torso faced her.

Liu Zhiyi froze for a second, then flipped over and crawled ahead on all fours.

Enough sudden frights and she'd built up a little immunity; her first reaction now was to run, and she could take in her surroundings while she did, instead of blundering about like a headless fly.

People really did unlock their potential at the critical moment — Liu Zhiyi found her hands and feet surprisingly coordinated as she crawled, not tripping over each other.

Out of the corner of her eye the produce stands shot backward fast — faster than she could run — and in a blink she'd burst out of the butcher's shop.

Just out, Liu Zhiyi worried she couldn't see the "people" and would slow herself by running into them, and shot a quick glance at the watch.

She hadn't expected she could crawl and watch the watch at once without it throwing off her hands and feet.

In the watch, the "people" who'd hemmed her in before scattered all at once like a school of sardines meeting a shark, opening a path in front of her.

Bullies, the lot of them — soft on the weak, scared of the strong!

Weren't they so cocky before, wanting to grab her and eat her?

But after crawling a stretch, Liu Zhiyi came to her senses.

No sound. Not a sound at all.

She'd seen the "people" blink and teleport, and "mama" could chop them clean in two with precision.

So — could she crawl faster than "mama"?

Liu Zhiyi stopped. The "people" who'd scattered hadn't gone far, but all held one pose — heads tipped up, looking at the ceiling above her.

Just as she'd thought…

Liu Zhiyi clenched her fist.

The market lights were bright, shadows of all different lengths cast on the floor, and Liu Zhiyi saw her own among them.

Small — only the head and part of the arms showed.

And beside her shadow's head was a shadow shaped like a triangle, with a chip missing from its point.

Liu Zhiyi turned her face slightly; she didn't dare turn her head all the way.

But even that half-turn let her see the thing beside her face.

It was a cleaver, blade turned inward, its tip missing a chip.

So… "mama" had been right above her head the whole time?

"Zhizhi…"

She heard the call; the cleaver by her face swayed, its edge resting lightly against her cheek.

"Mama": "What do you want to eat tonight?"

Liu Zhiyi's mind went briefly blank; she knew that if she answered wrong, she'd likely end up like the pork belly at the market entrance.

But what was the right answer?

Holding the ribs to her chest, Liu Zhiyi suddenly grew uncertain.

Strange, wasn't it — "mama" was asking what she wanted to eat, and she herself couldn't be sure.

Liu Zhiyi couldn't put a name to the feeling, either.

Unease? Discomfort? …Guilt?

She'd just settled on guilt when the cleaver by her face went thunk into the cement floor.

So she quickly pushed the ribs out from her chest and said, carefully:

"…Sweet-and-sour ribs."

Once the ribs were dragged away, the cleaver by her face was pulled out too.

Liu Zhiyi crawled forward a stretch to test it, then propped herself up and slowly turned around.

"Mama" stood where she was, ribs in one hand, cleaver in the other.

And so Liu Zhiyi met "mama's" eyes.

She noticed "mama's" face had changed.

First the temples — where it should have been full, it was slowly sinking in.

Then the eye sockets — where they should have been full, the eyeballs riding higher than the brow bone, they too were sinking in now.

…Looking like two holes.

Liu Zhiyi startled at her own train of thought, but soon she began to shake.

She remembered. She remembered now.

It went back to the day before yesterday, when she'd come home from out of town.

Her mother had gone very suddenly; by the time the ambulance reached the house she had no vital signs left.

So her mother's body had lain the whole time on the bed in the master bedroom.

When she'd first heard over the phone that her mother had died, Liu Zhiyi hadn't believed it.

And the mother on the bed hadn't changed much in color either, only gone a little paler.

So she'd lifted the cloth covering her mother's face.

And then she'd seen two holes.

The description wasn't really accurate — her mother's eyes hadn't fully sunk in, just the temples and sockets a little, and with the room's light coming in at a slant, the sockets looked more shadowed, and deeper.

Some people's eyes really do sink a bit after death; it seems to be a normal change a body goes through at a certain stage.

All of which Liu Zhiyi only learned later, searching online.

And though she knew rationally it was a normal change, Liu Zhiyi had simply kept those two holes in her memory.

Before grief and pain hit her, what she'd felt first was fear.

She had actually felt fear at her own mother's body.

—Zzt.

The watch let out a current again.

Liu Zhiyi knew her heart rate was too fast, but she couldn't help it, she couldn't do it.

"Mama" took a step forward, her eyes turned toward her.

"Zhizhi…"

No, don't look at me.

Liu Zhiyi lowered her head.

"Mama": "Are you afraid of me, Zhizhi?"

No… no, I'm not.

Liu Zhiyi shook her head, backing away.

"Mama": "Then why won't you look at me?"

Liu Zhiyi lifted her head, and as her gaze passed over "mama's" eye sockets, she flinched without meaning to.

"I… I don't know, I just… I just couldn't believe you were dead."

"Mama": "Why would you be afraid of mama?"

Liu Zhiyi's eyes went hot, and the tears started.

"I…"

"Mama": "Zhizhi."

Liu Zhiyi drew a breath. "…Yeah?"

She saw "mama" smile and lift the black bag in her hand, the cleaver and ribs both inside it.

"Are the sweet-and-sour ribs I make good?"

Of course they were good — the caramel-colored sauce coating the cubed ribs, one breath of that sweet-sour smell and even her nose could taste it, and then in her mouth, sour-sweet as it was, seeing her mother's smiling face turned toward her, all that was left was sweet.

Her eyes, stinging from crying, kept streaming tears.

Liu Zhiyi opened her mouth; she felt guilt, felt bitterness.

"Good… delicious."

"Mama": "Then mama will make you another plate when we get home. Is there anything else you'd like to eat?"

—Meow.

Liu Zhiyi heard the cat cry.

But she couldn't pull her eyes from "mama's" face.

She felt too guilty; it was as if only by staring this long into those sunken eyes could she ease her heart a little.

As if only by agreeing to every one of mama's requests could she be less in pain, and less… full of regret.

"Mama": "Your work's so far away, it's never easy for you to come back, and you can't have mama's sweet-and-sour ribs…"

"Stay, Zhizhi."