Second Arc: Twenty-Fifth Chapter

"Hmmm."

Still sunk into the sofa, I sat there groaning, mm, mm. It was by no means a stomachache. Right now I was hungry in absolutely peak form.

Why? Because thanks to that hateful corset, I hadn't been able to eat a thing at the tea party.

Of course I was thinking about the duel too. But the harder I tried to think it over, the more my rumbling stomach got in the way.

To focus my thoughts, I furrowed my brow, crossed my arms, and groaned, mmm-mmm. Start with the form of the thing. How does the Thinker's pose go again? Watching me groan, Sissi lowered her brows in worry too.

Entering the duel means I've declared my intent to become crown princess… The resolve to become crown princess — my resolve is…

"Haah…"

"Milady? Are you all right?"

Sissi peered into my downturned face.

"Mm… I can't take it anymore."

"Milady! Please don't brood so!"

"Mm. …I'm hungry. I just can't…"

I flopped face-down onto the tea table.

Grrrrgrgrgrgrrrrl.

---

"Besides, even if I've put myself forward as a candidate for crown princess, I can't actually become one unless His Highness chooses me. So worrying about it now is pointless, isn't it?"

As we walked toward the dining room, I made my case to Sissi at length. There was no real need to make excuses to her, but perhaps because I felt vaguely guilty, I was afraid of the silence.

"…Milady, do you not care for the crown prince?"

Sissi, following a step behind me, murmured it while watching my face.

"No — no, of course that's not it! His Highness is a wonderful person. Kind, with a strong sense of justice… and of course that's not all! He's more handsome than anyone I've ever seen, and that silky silver hair — I envy it. And when those emerald-green eyes look at me, it's, how do I put it, sort of…"

"Sort of…?"

It was then I noticed Sissi's lukewarm eyes.

"…it makes my backside go all itchy, kind of…"

"What on earth is that supposed to mean…"

Sissi's shoulders slumped with a thud.

"A-anyway! There's no way a prince as wonderful as that would choose someone like me."

A fake little noble lady who used to be a middle-aged woman… My eyes clouded over for a moment.

Ever since I got my past life back, a feeling has always clung to the bottom of my heart: this is not my world. That feeling, especially strong when I was little, has slowly faded along with the memories as I've grown, but…

After all, I lived nearly fifty years in Japan; perhaps a mere sixteen years of this life can't hope to match it. And I'm afraid that if I settle completely into this world, I'll forget the one before.

My precious daughter, whom I never got to watch over until she was grown. Is she doing well, I wonder. Did she ever marry?

…Come to think of it, how's my husband doing? I'd completely forgotten him. Sorry, dear. By the time our daughter was grown the two of us were basically just friends, but I do hope he's happy.

I let my thoughts drift to the memories of my past life — memories I could recall only more and more dimly now.