Third Arc: Seventh Chapter

On reflex I glanced at Sissi's face. Sissi was looking at Anje, and she was thoroughly put off. The corner of her mouth twitched, and her eyes said she took Anje for a complete crackpot.

Luckily, Anje hadn't noticed Sissi's expression and was gazing at me with a serious face.

I could hardly bear it myself.

Having memories of a past life is not, in itself, a bad thing. But it is not something to announce out loud either. If you went around telling people such a thing, they would surely think you had lost your mind. Sissi's face made that plain enough.

I could almost hear Sissi's inner voice.

Ugh, you get one now and then. "I'm from the future," or "I'm actually the reincarnation of a goddess!" So creepy. Really creepy.

...Ah! I had gone and dubbed Sissi's lines for her again.

If this were my past life, in modern Japan, I might be told to see a doctor, or lose all my friends. But this time, at least, Anje's words were surely true. After all, I have memories of a past life too.

Having those memories was fine. But I didn't want the people around me to know about it. Because this world closely resembled the contents of a game. I had been born and raised here for sixteen years and a little more. That was still far short of the years I had lived in my past life, but I had already grown attached to this world, and to the people around me. There was no way I could tell those people that this world might be a game.

On top of that, the way Sissi was recoiling now. If that same look were turned on me, I had no confidence I could go on living. I would die of embarrassment.

I took one deep breath and spoke to Sissi.

"Sissi. There's something I want to talk about with Anje, just the two of us. ...Would you step out for a bit?"

"Milady... but..."

Sissi, clearly unhappy about it, glanced back and forth between Anje and me. Of course she was. In Sissi's mind, Anje was a crackpot now. She probably thought she couldn't leave me alone with one.

"It's all right. This past-life business is like a joke that was going around at school. And we have a lot to catch up on, so please."

"...As you wish. I'll wait in the next room, so call me if anything happens."

Once Sissi had left, I turned back to Anje.

"About your having memories of a past life. What do you mean, exactly?"

"Forgive me for being so blunt. ...In my past life I was born and raised in a country called Japan. And this world, I believe, is the world of a game I know..."

"A game, is it..."

I murmured it, cutting Anje off. This world does resemble a game, it's true. I never actually played it myself, so I don't know the fine details, but the broad outline of the story seems to match what my daughter used to tell me.

But still.

"This world is not a game. It is real."

Yes. It is real. If you cleared it like a game, would it end, the way you wake from a dream? I don't know. But already my story, our story, has broken away from the scenario and started down a new road. From all of that, I believe this world is real beyond any doubt. It is not all fun, the way a game is. It is a real world.

Did Anje still not understand? Was she still convinced this world was a game and trying to move it as she pleased? That worry brushed past my chest.

But as if she had seen through how I felt, Anje gave a self-mocking little laugh. Regret seemed to seep out of her expression.

"I understand. Or rather, I should say I was made to understand. Just as you say, Lady Cosette, I once believed this world was a game. A world where I was the heroine, a world made for me."

But.

As Anje was exiled and wandered from place to place, her conceit that she was the heroine was shattered. Even so, accepting reality had not been easy, she said, with pain in her voice.

"I was afraid. Because once I accepted it as real, I would have to face it all. The wrongs I had done, the people I had betrayed. And more than anything, I was afraid to admit that I could never go back to Japan, back home, ever again."

"Yes... yes, I see..."

Never go back. Those words pricked at my heart like a thorn.

Anje must have gotten worked up, because her polite speech had slipped away into a childish way of talking. She clenched her trembling hands and strained to string her words together, holding back sobs, and I fought hard against the ache it brought to my chest.

"I had never faced this world either, so I was all alone in it too. But... Lady Remie became my friend. Thanks to her, I found the courage to face this world."

"Lady Remie did..."

As if shaking off her tears, Anje smiled brightly.